Templar Gamer Fanfiction

It was a fine summer's day, the children were running outside and playing, while young adults were baking in the sun and swimming at the beach. But one permavrigin decided to stay indoors on this day, for he had to deal with the evil JFreedan on the internet. Because everyone knows the Internet is serious business and is far more important than going outside and having friends

Upon losing his youtube account, Templar was full of rage but refused to give in to JFreedan, and he decided to show his passion by writing "JFreedan Sucks" on his cock with permanent marker. He struggled at first because he didn't have enough room, but he started watching his old videos from his hard drive and that gave him a big enough hard on to write it on. He was proud of what he did and loved that even when he was taking a piss or jacking off, the first thing that could come to his mind was JFreedan.

Unfortunately after a 3 months and 2 showers later, he noticed the permanent marker wasn't quite so permanent. Before it completely went away he needed to permanently have JFreedan on his cock, so he decided to visit the local Tattoo parlour. He told the Tattoo artist,  "See THIS!!!" after revealing his penis. The Tattoo artist said "that is nothing to be proud of, I have done Tattoos for black guys if you know what I mean". Templar replied "No, what I wrote on it. It says JFreedan Sucks, and I want you to turn it into a permanent tattoo".

The artist looked confused at first and agreed to do it, but needed to ask him "How are you going to get an erection for the time needed to complete the tattoo?". Templar showed him a link to the Chinese playlist of all the flagged JFreedan related videos and said "There is enough content here to give me a boner for hours. You just worry about inking my cock". The Artist raised his left brow in a look of confusion and said "All right you weirdo, but you better not jizz on me...you freak".

So the artist inked away and was amazed at how Templar felt absolutely no pain what so ever. The endorphins released from Templar's body from watching the anti-freedan were far more powerful than any painkiller, and watched the videos as if nothing was happening to him, with his erection still in tact. While the artist was confused, he was mighty impressed with this display.

After he was finished Templar stared at his dick and rejoiced as if he saw a real life vagina for the first time, and decided it was time to execute his master plan. He decided to attend a local Anime convention where Jfreedan would be and decided to confront him with his newly enhanced, yet still unimpressive weapon. He found JFreedan and stared into each others eyes, reminiscent of classic stand off's in Westerns. But JFreedan's focused stare turned to confusing as he focused on the tent that was pitched in Templar's pants. The confrontation excited Templar, and once he knew JFreedan was staring at his Johnson he knew it was time to reveal his weapon.

Off came his pants and the entire convention saw Templar Gamer's erect penis. JFreedan averted his eyes and screamed "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT". Templar replied "Of course you don't, you can't deal with constructive criticism. Face it Carey, you suck". JFreedan screamed for security to get Templar out of the building and they obliged. As Templar was being taken away he screamed "THAT IS WHAT YOU GET FOR CENSORING PEOPLE ON YOUTUBE". Immediately after, a Weeaboo Narutard told him "Even I think your a faggot".

After coming home and preparing a video bragging about his exploits, he noticed his browser wasn't displaying Youtube.com anymore. After checking his emails he got one from JFreedan saying:

To Templar Troll,


I talked to the higher ups on youtube about your harassment and they agreed that you should be IP Blocked from ever seeing or using youtube ever again. Hopefully this can set a precedent for me to be able to stop who ever I want from using youtube again...oh I just got a message from youtube, and Asalieri can't access Youtube either. At least there is a silver lining in all this, I now have the power to do what ever I want on youtube.


Die you Troll.


From, 


Carey "The Fucking Dark Maverick" Martel


After realising what he had done, he decided to get laser surgery to removed the tattoo. Unfortunately the Doctor misguided the laser and was aimed at his balls. He could no longer obtain an erection and was now completely sterile.

He ran home and whined about his story on the DHI message boards, but Rabidtictac decided to replace his rant that took him an hour to write with "LOL I AM AN ATTENTION WHORE. PLEASE PITTY ME" for the Lulz.

MOTHERFUCKER SUN

This is a response to these posts, for context:

http://thebusystreet.com/2011/09/10/the-moon-is-back-bitches/

http://thebusystreet.com/2011/08/01/moon-stare/

So I have been seeing some whiny ranting from that little bitch the Moon on this website about how horrible it is to be him, and I don't blame him. He is nothing more than a big rock rotating around the Earth, but just because you suck doesn't mean you have to be so Emo about it over the damn internet. Seriously, you sound like a fucking Escapist user whining about their virginity with the desire for attention that matches Moviebob (seriously, all caps is for fags). So to piss you off further I am going to gloat why I am so fucking awesome and better than you will ever be.

Bad ass shit I do

When it comes to you MOON, what exactly do you do that is so dangerous and badass? You cause the tides to come in and out? WOOP DEE FUCKING DOO!!! You have seen Australia right? You know, the country with all that Skin Cancer? Yeah, that was my doing, and even with their Slip Slop Slap campaign I still fuck them up. In fact worldwide I am burning the people's skin and making them too exhausted from the heat. In no time all that burning and laziness will make everyone on earth round, red and looking like the fucking Cool Aid Man:

And they will be talking like the Macho Man Randy Savage for some reason.

And while we are talking about liquids and Australia, I cause heat waves and droughts around the entire planet. The simmering heat causes hallucinations, and trust me, seeing a guy try to fuck a Cactus in a desert thinking it is a hot chick menstruating all over him is one of the funniest things you will ever see.

But that is not the best part. You ever seen people get really hot and try to find some water around and find out that it is all gone? I DID THAT, it’s called evaporation and it’s how I make babies (more on that later). And if they still find water? It’s boiling hot and damn undrinkable. I can troll people by just existing, while you have to watch weeaboos fap to 6 year old girls.

You know Moon, I also think you are really fucking pathetic for letting people walk all over you. Seriously, in the 60s and 70s humans walked all over your face and you did nothing like the pussy you are, yet on the internet you shit all over them. Again, just like Moviebob you won’t let go of a grudge and like him, you are round and white. But have you seen the humans try that shit with me? FUCK NO, they will be burned alive because they need their precious Ozone layer to stop me from killing them.  That is how you deal with assholes you fucking pushover.

Cool Shit I do

Unlike you though I am not a cynical douchebag, as I do things to help those people on earth you hate so much when I don’t feel like trolling. The reason all those people are alive is because they needed the Ocean (AKA My Wife) and me, the sun, to survive. In fact I am always giving those bastards energy that they can use long into the night when you are watching. Energy used to pull retarded faces while they are fucking like this:

                You another cool thing I do? SCARE NERDS!!! Seriously, for some reason those fuckers are scared shitless of me and hide in their basements. Why is that a cool thing? Because all you normal people don’t have to deal with their aspie crap in real life. Unfortunately those fuckers have found refuge on the internet, but for the most part they are nocturnal and sleep all day so only YOU Moon, have to deal with them.

 

Giving birth to clouds

Have you ever been so awesome that your very presence creates babies? Of course you haven’t, you still go to this website after all the E-Drama is over. As mentioned earlier, the ocean is my wife, and despite being together for billions of years she still finds me attractive. You know that evaporation thing I brought up earlier? That is how my kids, the clouds , are born. Unfortunately all those fucking Sailors and Pirates are a bunch of creepy looking fucking perverts, but I get my kids to pee on them and make their jobs hell.

Speaking of which, my kids are disobedient little shits. They don’t stop pissing everywhere, including on my wife. I try to burn their backs but the fuckers don’t stop, in fact they go overboard and kill themselves. Moon, you like to bitch and complain about being awake all the time, but do you have to see your kids die everyday? You know I have outlived BILLIONS of my children right? Yet you complain about noise? You know how damn loud it is during the day?

British People: A History Lesson

Oh britfags, we go back to the time of Neanderthals, the original gingers. While they originated in the middle east, the Ginger ones couldn’t handle the heat and ran into Europe and migrated to England and Ireland, where they were able to hide from me by using my kids as a shield (My kids like that area for some reason).  That Ginger fear has never gone away to this day since all gingers have inherited their rubbish genes from the extinct Neanderthals.

 Of course, I wasn’t going to let the Ginger scum get away with it, so I decided to convince my kids to constantly pee on them…CONSTANTLY!!! The downside to this is that all the other humans around them had to suffer too, which made them extremely miserable and angry all the damn time. That is why all British people are miserable, cynical twats.

That and they are pale and hideous looking, but that is what you get for hiding from me. Australians and Americans are British descendants but they look perfectly fine. So Moon, when was the last time YOU changed an entire culture? Oh that’s right, you were too busy masturbating to the 4 Galilean Moons of Jupiter. Face it, you’re not getting a fivesome with them you selfish virgin…and what do you know, like Moviebob.

Conclusion

Stop being a faggot moon. Oh wait, since you like to speak in caps like a 12 year old with brain damage I will speak your language. QUIT YOUR BITCHING AND ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING YOU FAT WHITE VIRGIN LOSER. I’ll see you on November 25^th where I will burn your back again, which I am sure you will whine about again like an emo kid on Live Journal. Seriously, no one wants to hear about your “Dark Side” unless it is Pink Floyd. 

Roses luvs Spoony

Roses has been flirting harder than Scarlett lately, so let's make fun of her while she is in heat by ripping off CrazyGoggs.

It's a Conspiracy EP1: Stalin, for kids

The Unknown discovers propaganda from the 1980s to turn our children into communists via Super Mario Bros and The Smurfs. Them sneaky Russians.

Since this is an Audio show, here is an MP3 link so you can listen to it on the go for your Zune or something:

http://www.mediafire.com/?a3md8ismj98nl7h

Film Brain Reviews Suburban Knights

And I must say, he has some negative things to say about it.

I will embed it later when it fucking works. It works now.

The Tim Buckley Path

Many e-celebrities travel down the Tim Buckley path, where once normal human beings allow their internet content creation to turn them into egotistical asswipes who like to send photo's of their penis to teenage girls. The path has many phases however, as one does simply not become a douhcebag in an instant, it is something that grows over time. Let's dig deep into the 6 phases of the Tim Buckley Path.

1. Have a fanbase with decent content

You stated making content on the web, you have built a following who likes your work which is generally considered very good. You decide to monetize it and make it apart of your income, which may end up biting you in the ass later. This is the phase everyone should be on the Tim Buckley Path, but as it is with the internet, VERY few people stay at this phasee for a long period of time.

Notable examples: Brad Jones, Red Letter Media

2. Decline in quality

At this point you have been making content for a while and you are probably doing the same shit you were doing a few years ago. Your content starts to get stale and you clearly are sick of doing it. A normal person would stop and move on to different projects, but there is one problem...

...YOU WERE DUMB ENOUGH TO DO THIS FOR A JOB!!!

Because of this, you keep pumping out content because it is your job and the depressing reality eats at you on the inside. This starts to reflect on the work itself as fans start noticing you're not as passionate as you used to be a few years ago and tell you you're getting stale.

Your fanboys however, will not notice these problems at all and will relentlessly kiss your ass. If you have a level head you will ignore these people but keep doing your job anyway because you need to eat, but if you don't these people will drive you to proceed to phase 3 of the path.

Notable examples: Zero Puncuation, AVGN

3. Create a straw man

Your content has gotten worse, some of your fans are letting you know this but you don't give a fuck and want to tell them to go fuck themselves. Congratulations, you have an ego, but you haven't reached phase 5 yet. You know that if you flat out insult them you will be a complete prick, so instead you decide to be "clever" and "subtle" by creating a character that represents people who don't like you. In other words, you created a strawman like the manchild that you are since you see things in black and white.

This strawman must be presented as an idiot, loser or both. Examples of this character include Douchey Mc Nitpick, Chuckles the Jester (Spoony) and in a self aware but equally douchey example, MovieBob's Strawman. Be sure to give this character a whiny voice, fail to acknowledge any legitimate point they may have and above all, do not present them as an intelligent person. Because at this stage you have become such a smug, egotistical dickhead that you see anyone who doesn't agree with you as a retard. 

In other words you are a token Left Wing asswipe.

Examples: Nostalgia Chick, MovieBob

4. Censor your forums

Your forums have turned into a shitstorm now. People have noticed your ego is getting out of control and they are starting to talk about it. The influx of negative comments is growing and your fanboys are in an all out Civil War with the Cynics, trying to combat them with speleing erorz, THE ALMIGHTY CAPS LOCK,  and their most powerful tool, retarded logical statements (e.g. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T WATCH IT).

Because your ego is out of control, you ONLY want to be surrounded by the fanboys, so you join their side in the war and use the ultimate weapon, the banhammer.  You swing that thing like Mario in Donkey Kong and raze the place to the ground until it is all smiles and fucking sunshine.

You can attempt to justify this in a number of ways. You could say that you want a "happier and positive community" that isn't full of arguing, while only telling the negative people to fuck off rather than putting your fanboys in line as well. You could make bullshit claims that you want comments to be "Constructive" and expect a college professor standard essay that is more sugar coated than Frosted Flakes for anything negative, but you are perfectly fine with positive comments that say "THAT WAS AWESOME BRO" without elaboration.

You can also create a list of arbitrary rules like "Don't be a dick" that are intentionally vague and easily corruptible so you can swing your banhammer like the 6 year old with ADD that you are, yet still claim that you are "following the rules" and that you are not a dickhole (spoilers, you actually are).

Make sure to place your most loyal and rabid fanboys as moderators on your forum. They love you more than you love yourself (yes, it's possible) so they will be extremely dedicated to your cause of cleansing the non believers. And they call Al Queda extremists, pffft.

Notable Examples: TGWTG, The Escapist, The Archfeind

5. Treat your fans like shit

Now you're surrounded by nothing but your most dedicated fans. They probably have Deviant Art pages of you in Rule 34 where they openly admit they want you to shit inside their mouths while they jack off. They flood TV Tropes to add every single quote you have ever spouted out and will defend you on every forum they visit. You notice this and you have a epiphany...

YOUR FANS SUCK AND YOU HATE EVERY DAMN ONE OF THEM!!!!

Your community is full of brown nosing shit heads who are more needy than a coke addict near a drug dealer. They tell you your awesome at everything even when you know it isn't true and you have the same look on your face that Sonic has when he is around Amy Rose. Speaking of which, your fans probably fap like crazy over her.

There are 2 ways to treat your fans like shit. Firstly, it is at conventions. Seeing these people when they aren't hiding behind a My Little Pony avatar sickens you, as your fans look like the kind of people that belong in basements and are even more socially awkward looking than you, especially with the horrible costumes they are wearing. Being disappointed that your life's work has only attracted the beasts from underneath the earth's crust, you lash out at them by talking down to them like they are shit in public.  This will cause you to not get invited to any conventions other than ones that you have created for yourself.

Secondly, it is on your own forums and comment pages, i.e. the Spoony Method. Even though you want everyone there to be happy and agree, you have no problem acting like the same "Trolls" that have been banned on your forums. You are abusive and arrogant towards your fans in debates, and will threaten to ban them for trivial shit like not liking the original Star Wars Trilogy or something.  If a negative comment does somehow manage to sneak past your personal KGB, you will respond to it with extreme hostility and act like a spoiled fat child who didn't get his cake.

This is why you don't have any friends in the real world.

Notable Example: Spoony

6. Become a Pedophile

Oh great, you fucked up big time now. You just couldn't resist the fangirl pussy couldn't you?

Since the only fans you have that are dumb enough to want to fuck you are horny, lonely and miserable teenagers (lol, Monty),  at this stage you realise "FUCK IT, I'm not getting any in the real world, and she loves me so much that she will never tell".

Unfortunately you forget that these teenagers will grow up in a few years and realise how stupid they were for wanting to see your penis. This regret will eat at them inside until they find out that they can get back at you by posting this publicly.

Congratulations, you have become a despicable creature that only a mother could love. Actually scratch that, your parents just disowned you. Maybe you should have sorted out your real life rather than trying to live off some shit on the internet you made.

At least TGWTG hasn't gone this far yet...

FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!

Notable Examples: Tim Buckley, rumoured to be Archfiend

Where does your favourite celebrity lie on the Tim Buckley path?

The Amazing E-Begger

After watching the past few "Amazing" Atheist videos in his "Hate Week", which is nothing more than shock jock bullshit (because we all know he doesn't believe what he says) , I noticed something at the end of his recent one about Individidualism:

Go to 4:48 for the e-begging. For those that don't even want to give the asswipe a view, I will quote what he says to save you bandwidth:


"Hey there youtube, do you want an Amazing Atheist iPhone and Android app? Do you want an Amazing Atheist website? then please, donate below. All those who donate will be featured on a page in the app or website proclaiming "This made possible by" followed by a list that could include your name if you click the link below and give some of your hard earned money to my fat ass"


Yeah, because FUCK saving money you make from Youtube and Blip, why do that when you can have your dipshit fanbase give you money when you don't fucking deserve it?


Jesus (yes I say that ironically),  your asking for money for a damn website and an app? Even The Archfiend has a fucking website, Reviewtopia has been founded by a bunch of people who combined probably have the same subscribers and views (maybe less) than you do but they founded a website.  Phelous and Brad Jones have their own personal websites and didn't ask for a fucking cent,  yet you are more popular and expect donations? You piece of shit, no wonder you are on the Busy Street  Blacklist.


We all know how succesfful Sean Fausz has been with this, but let's see how good TJ has done by clicking on the link, as of this writing:





$392 IN ONE FUCKING DAY!!! Hell, it's less than a day, man some people are too stupid to be carrying money. Good god, look at one of the comments:





Because it's not like he has a Youtube Partnership where he earns money off every view on his videos and gets paid by Google or anything.  Nah, because if you yell in front of a camera like an obnoxious cunt you deserve money, because it is such a unique talent.


I guess we can add this to his blacklist page, not only is he willing to use the death of his father for dramatic effect and say gays who commit suicide are pussies for shock value, but this evidence shows this cunt of a human being is willing to exploit his fans for money he doesn't fucking need. Apparently he has done this shit before, but you guys can leave that in the comments since I have spent enough of my time writing this.


Does anyone here think he will give back the money from donations once he profits from the bombardment of ads that will be on his website and app? Of course not, he will just say "SEE, YOUR NAME IS ON MY WEBSITE, THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH". Eat shit TJ.